First let me say that I am so sorry I have written much lately. It has been a truely busy month so far and it is only the 9th... September ended with some sadness as I am still dealing with losing Josh. He had become one of my best friends but I heard this song that made me see things in a different light. The song is by Needtobreathe named " Streets of Gold " and the lyrics go....
I want you to know
I'm leaving to let you go
One day we'll walk upon
Streets of gold
I don't remember seeing fear in your eyes
When you were fading
The day we said our goodbyes
It's easy to say that there's a reason for this
Much harder to know
That what we say is true
Everything we hold could someday slip away
I want you to know
I'm leaving to let you go
And someday we'll walk upon
The streets of gold
Running through your veins was a slow-ticking clock
Counting down the days
And no one could make it stop
All of the time that it takes to figure it out
Could be the moments
That you can't live without
Everything we hold could someday slip away
I want you to know
I'm leaving to let you go
And someday we'll walk upon
The streets of gold
The trouble with love is that it comes to an end
I've got a feeling I'm gonna find you again
Just in a place where love can't die
Josh and I had some great times together and some great devotions. He told me that he wasn't afraid to leave this earth because he knew that he was Heaven bound. He just wasn't ready to leave this earth. God gave me a year with him. I remember the day that I received his email about him wanting to get together after he had found out. I was flying home from Wisconsin and in the air I prayed. I asked God if we were suppose to be friends and how that was going to look. I made a commitment to be his friend and help him through this. I feel kinda blessed for that year. I never thought when Ms Chris set us up that it would of turned out this way but it did. He was a good friend who was honest with me. He showed me how strong I am and reminded me that God has a plan for my life. One day my friend and I will walk together again. I do feel that I am working through the grieving process okay. I don't feel angry but excited for him. He is not in pain anymore, and let me tell you he lived with so much pain that it broke my heart at times. He didn't want to be on meds all the time either but it came to the point that he needed to medicate to rest. To be free from this world is a blessing and I can see him now dancing all over.
On to more interesting topics last weekend I went to the Woman of Faith Conference and it was so much fun. I heard from the Karen James ( the Woman who's husband died on Mtn. Hood), The Biggest Loser Winner of Season 6, Michelle who shared her own story. I think the one speaker that spoke the most to me was Sheila Walsh who talked mainly about Trust.. And trusting God.. Trusting God... what a concept. Instead of doing all this on my own I could actually sit back and trust that the Lord knows what is best for me and my life. I mean I still live but to be lead by my creater is an amazing thought. I think my own stubborness gets in the way of that all the time. I am finding a sense of peace about that.
For the last few months I have been in deep prayer regarding whether or not I should be a foster parent again. It has been something that has weighed on my heart for years which can explain why I was one the last time. I took a step this week and turned in my paperwork on Wednesday and as of last night I received the first of many calls regarding this. The first step was completing the orientation which I completed a week ago. The next step is meeting with the one who in charge of the intake interview. The inital interview to see if you have what is needed to be a foster parent. They look at your temperment, your knowledge of the program, your desire, and willingness to help. I have to call them back on Tuesday to make the appointment. I am getting excited about it. I hope to one day adopt a child of my own. For some of you who don't know there is a large possibility I may not be able to have children. I have been through may tests while I was married and they were unsure as to why but my cycle is non existant. I have not had to deal with a cycle at all for the last 8-9 years. At times I go through a broken phase, where I am less then what I should be or that I am broken unable to be fixed. I have dreamed of having a family of my own since I was a child but God has a different plan. God has opened my eyes to see that there are so many children in this world that need a good home, someone to love them, guide them. He has given me a peace about it and when the door opens I will be jumping in. So for you all I need your help.... Please pray for me as this journey begins. I know that I headed the right way as God gave me a sign. This past Sunday I was sitting on the 252 Stage and a young man from the Youth Group was sharing with me his story. He is currently in Foster Care, it broke my heart. He is a good kid from what I can tell and God has done a mighty work in him. It was just a sign that God has me headed in the right direction.
Thank you all for taking the time to read about my journey. It is only going to get better from here. My story is just beginning and I look forward to sitting back and enjoying the ride as my Dad used to say.
