Step 1... Let the healing begin...

Last night my friend had a couple extra tickets to the Diamondbacks game and during the game the little one I was babysitting for was so excited because we were sitting so close to the field and second because we were  up on the jumbotron... both her and I were dancing and waving our hands.  It was fun but all I could think of was the time I took Josh. He was so excited being there, he wanted to have everything that came around, the bubble gum lemonade for example.  He was funny... I know that I am not able to see him for a bit till I get to heaven and I haven't stopped living my life, doing things being out and about.  I just miss him... Last Christmas on my way up to my Mom's he called me and kept me company during the drive.  We talked about all kinds of things and there was a couple times where I lost signal and we played phone tag.  He had left me a message telling me Merry Christmas incase we weren't able to talk before then.  I heard that message yesterday and to hear his voice again just broke my heart.. I smiled with joy that he is free from this world and loving life now but I cried as well knowing that my friend is no longer here to talk to.  Now what happens if I meet someone and start dating him.  Would I be disregarding Josh's memory by dating them.  I know Josh wanted me to be happy.  He always told me that, he wanted me to be all that I could be.  That is why we never had a title to our relationship.  Everyone has different ways of grieving the loss of someone close to them.  And everyone reaches different steps in the process at different times.  I have recently started to look at how I can live my life to the fullest.  Over the next few months or years I hope to see the Lord lead me on some wild adventures, enjoying life and everything it has to offer before my time is up.  If there was anything that Josh taught me it was to not stop living.  As some of you know Josh loved guns, to shoot them, to learn about them, and to work on them.  The last weekend he was out and about we were in Prescott for the 4th of July.  On Monday Josh had just purchased a couple of guns that he wanted to test out and shoot.  We went to the shooting range and tested out a small gun ( forgive me I don't know the name of the gun).  Well, we both took turns shooting and I was firing to low and was missing the target.  He came up beside me and helped me see where I needed to aim the gun in order to hit the target. I did much better, while he hit the target left and right.  You could see the smile on his face when it pressed the trigger, the grip he had on the gun, and the love he had for the gun.  I know it was just the fact that he was shooting but he loved every minute of it. So as I moving forward with my life I have met this man about a week ago and we started talking, well emailing.  We are going on our first date this weekend and I am unsure about it.  The guy seems to have all the characteristics that I am looking for but still I am nervious afraid I will make a fool of myself by talking to much or do something stupid like trip ( which as all of you know is very common for me).. lol .  I promised myself not to jump into anything but just raise my hands and have some fun.  So off I go... I will write more when as it happens.. Just pray for me to have a good time and that the Lord would give me discernment when it comes to any and all relationships.  PS... Thank you to all who had something to do with my Birthday month... August has been a blast and I so look forward to what the rest of year is going to bring.. God is good and his love is never failing...